Navigating Baby Loss

No one ever imagines they’ll be sitting in a hospital bed, staring at a quiet ultrasound screen, hearing the words, “I’m so sorry, there’s no heartbeat.” No one pictures walking out of the hospital without their baby in their arms. No one prepares for the haunting silence of an empty nursery, an untouched car seat, or a postpartum body without a baby.

But if you are here reading this, it means you do not have to imagine it. You are living it. And my heart is with you.

There is no right way to begin this journey, but this post is a starting point—a place for you to land, breathe, cry, and be reminded that you are not alone.

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Baby Loss Is Not One Thing

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Let’s start here: Baby loss comes in many forms. All of them are devastating. And all of them deserve to be named, honored, and supported.

• Miscarriage: The loss of a pregnancy before 20 weeks of gestation.
  
  
• Stillbirth: The death of a baby after 20 weeks of pregnancy.
  
  
• Infant loss: The death of a baby in the hours, days, or months after birth.
  
  
• TFMR (Termination for Medical Reasons): When heartbreaking fetal or maternal health conditions force a medically guided decision to end a wanted pregnancy.
  
  
• Other losses like blighted ovum, incompetent cervix, ectopic pregnancy, chemical pregnancies, and molar pregnancies are often left out of conversations, but they are real and valid, and the grief that follows is just as deep.
  
  

Every single one of these experiences deserves compassion and care. You deserve to be held in your loss, no matter what form it took.

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The First Few Days After Loss

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In those first few days, time warps. Your brain might feel foggy. You might be moving through quicksand. Every noise might feel too loud. Or too quiet. You may feel frozen, disoriented, and disconnected from the world around you.

That is not just emotional—it is physiological. Research shows that acute grief triggers the same brain regions as physical pain. You are not “being dramatic.” You are in trauma.

What you can do in the first days:

• Give yourself permission to pause. You do not need to rush through decisions like burial, cremation, autopsy, or memory-making. Ask your hospital staff or doula for time. It’s okay to take it.
  
  
• Lean on someone. A doula, nurse, friend, or family member can act as your advocate and help you communicate your needs while you are in shock.
  
  
• Make memories if you can. These moments, though painful, are your time with your baby. Hold them. Talk to them. Dress them. Sing to them. Take photos. Gather keepsakes. These tangible memories will be part of your lifelong connection.
  
  

Organizations like Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep offer free professional remembrance photography. If that feels right for you, ask a nurse or doula to coordinate it.

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Grief Is Not Linear

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Grief after baby loss is not a checklist. It does not come in tidy stages. It is a spiral—a wave—a storm and sometimes a soft wind. You may feel peace one hour and devastation the next.

Anger, guilt, confusion, rage, numbness, and jealousy are all part of grief. You are not doing it wrong. You are doing it with love.

Research from the National Library of Medicine shows that perinatal grief is multidimensional—it touches identity, self-esteem, relationships, spirituality, and physical health. It is not just sadness. It is everything.

“When the anticipated relationship with a child is severed, the impact is profound and long-lasting.”
— PubMed Central: Perinatal grief and its impact

Grief has no timeline. But one thing we do know is that grief softens when we feel seen, heard, and understood.

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Community Changes Everything

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In the early months after losing Evelyn, I felt like the world had moved on without me. Everyone else had permission to keep living. I was suspended in grief, invisible to most. Until I found others like me.

Finding community does not take away your pain, but it can help hold it.

Being around people who do not flinch when you say your baby’s name, who do not rush your story or avoid your grief—that is what helps us survive.

Whether it is a local support group or an online space full of moms who get it, being in community gives us language for what we are experiencing. It reminds us we are not broken, just grieving.

Resources for community:

• Return to Zero: HOPE – offers virtual support groups and retreats for loss families.
  
  
• Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support – peer groups, resources, memorial events.
  
  
• PALS – Pregnancy After Loss Support – a great resource for later on if you become pregnant again.
  
  
• Private Facebook groups like Still a Mother, Loss Moms Unite, and Mothers of Angels offer real-time connections..
  
  

Creating Memories and Honoring Your Baby

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One of the most powerful and painful truths of loss is this: you are still a parent. Even if the world no longer sees your child, you are still their mother. That bond deserves recognition.

Ways to honor and connect with your baby:

• Create a memory box with their photos, clothes, or hospital bands.
  
  
• Write them letters or keep a grief journal.
  
  
• Speak their name.
  
  
• Plant a tree or dedicate a space in your home to them.
  
  
• Celebrate their birthday or due date in meaningful ways—light a candle, bake a cake, write them a card.
  
  

Some people may not understand why you do this. That is okay. This is your relationship. This is your love. It never ends.

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What Healing Can Look Like

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Healing is not forgetting. It is not “getting over it.” It is learning how to carry the pain without being crushed by it.

Over time, you may find space for other emotions again—joy, gratitude, laughter, even hope. These are not betrayals of your grief. They are signs that you are surviving.

For me, healing looked like therapy, art, long walks, deep friendships, and building Evelyn James & Company. I tried everything: somatic therapy, EMDR, reiki, sound baths, books, journaling, medication. It was not one thing that helped—it was the collective, layered support over time.

You may feel like you’ll never be okay again. But “okay” just looks different now. It is not going back. It is going forward with your baby held in your heart.

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If you take one thing from this post, let it be this: You are not alone.

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There is no roadmap for baby loss, but there are fellow travelers who can walk beside you. People who will hold your story. People who will whisper your baby’s name back to you without fear.

You are allowed to take your time. You are allowed to fall apart. And you are allowed to rise again—slowly, gently, and in your own way.

There is no perfect way to grieve. Only your way. And we are here to remind you that your love for your baby is real, powerful, and eternal.

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Meet Vallen

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I’m Vallen Webb. I’m a mom to five, a bereavement and postpartum doula, a podcast host, a grief advocate, and the founder of Evelyn James & Company. But more than that, I’m just a mom who had to learn how to live again after her baby died.

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And if you’re walking that path too, I see you. I love you. And I’m here.

Find more resources created by Vallen at Evelyn James & Company.

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Supportive Resources Selected by Vallen

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Books & Guides

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Empty Cradle, Broken Heart by Deborah L. Lewis

An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination by Elizabeth McCracken

The Worst Girl Gang Ever by Bex Gunn & Laura Buckingham

The Baby Loss Guide by Zoe Clark-Coates

Whole: Navigating the Trauma of Pregnancy Loss by Heather Dolson

Pregnancy Loss Affirmation Coloring Book

Pregnancy and Baby Loss Guided Journal

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Organizations & Support

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Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Remembrance Photography

Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Groups

Postpartum Support International (Hotline, Provider Directory & Resources)

Evelyn James & Co Support Guides

Return to Zero Retreats

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Shop

Evelyn James Grief Marketplace

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